Thursday, March 14, 2013

Our Story

Hello sweet friends, Thank you for all of your prayers and all of the encouragement I have received from everyone following our story! This post is a long time coming because I’m going to talk about things that I wasn’t sure I wanted to share, and truth be told if I had known from the beginning that this was going to be part of our story I might not have started blogging about it. But in October God called me to open up, and even though I didn’t fully know what that would mean at the time, He did. And He still called me to write it.

My last post in mid-October was the first time that I had publicly talked about our difficulties conceiving. Before that family and some friends knew, but most people in my life were unaware of the difficulties we had been experiencing. So, when just a few short weeks after my post, I found out I was pregnant I felt kinda like a blog phoney! Sure we had been trying to conceiving for 14 months when it happened, but most of our friends just recently heard of our difficulties. I wasn’t sure how I was going to talk to people about it, but unfortunately things never got that far. My first prenatal appointment was at 6wks gestation and everything looked fine, unfortunately concerning signs developed at 7wks. We went back to the doctor, and at that time we were still able to see a heartbeat, but out baby had not grown and was still measuring like a 6wk baby. At that time we were told that it was a good possibility that I would go on to lose the pregnancy soon, which I did just after Thanksgiving.

It has been a difficult time for Travis and I, and the healing process is still on going. I waited to write this post because for the longest time I didn’t know what I was going to say – other than it happened. But, being the time of the year that it is, I have found something worth saying. The hardest part of everything to me was understanding why it happened, or more precisely, what was the point? My goal throughout this process has been to seek God’s glory in the midst of our fertility struggles, and I just couldn’t reconcile how the whole ordeal was at all going to serve his glory. During the week that we knew things weren’t quite “well” I continued to pray fervently KNOWING that my God was all-powerful. In our God breathed word we have so many examples of God raising the dead, parting seas, and healing the blind/sick. And I truly believed the same could happen for us. But it didn’t.

 And I just didn’t understand after 14months of infertility why he would give us a pregnancy and then not intervene on our behalf. But then I was reminded of another time that he didn’t intervene. Thousands of years ago, one evening a humble man prayed for intervention. He was 100% human, 100% God, and 100% perfect. And he prayed that the cup would be taken from Him, if it was God’s will. But it wasn’t.

 When he died on a cross no one understood why. But the truth was that God had a greater plan that anyone knew or could understand at the time. And if it hadn’t been for his death, we would all still be slaves to sin, unable to ever have the hope of grace and eternal life that we now enjoy so frivolously.

So, what was the point? I'm still not sure, but in 2 weeks we will all be reminded of how powerful he can be when he chooses not to intervene. So...

In 2 weeks I will praise the God of creation who is all powerful.

In 2 weeks I will praise the God who intervenes on our behalf.

In 2 weeks I will praise the God who does not intervene on our behalf.

Because sometimes the God of the Universe accomplishes his restoration story by not intervening; sometimes He is the God who, according to His perfect will, lets the heartache of this earthly life progress without interruption.

The truth is that I still don’t know why, but I now have come to know a peace that surpasses understanding. Because I will never understand, but I will always know that his will is for our restoration and sanctification, and HIS glorification.

Praise Him.

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